Testing

I WISH I MAY, I WISH I MIGHT

The times I have been asked "if you could go back, would you have"... are too numerous to count. Currently, my answer goes like this:  'Since I am not the same person I once was, how can I possibly know, and I did what I believed was best.'  Truth is, no one does their best; we get tired, lazy; even mean-spirited.  

I wish I may, I wish I might can be turned into wishing I had or had not, or, on a more positive note, a wish is a way to pray for something good to happen for yourself or others.

As a child, I wished for a horse.  I blew at the little, fluffy milkweeds until all the seeds were released, certain my wish would come true.  One day a horse appeared, something I am grateful for, a result of my Dad's understanding of my desire.  Blowing on the milkweed was a fun way of hoping for what I could not see.

If I already had a horse, I would not have wished for a horse; who hopes for what is right in front of him?  I had faith in the unseen. "Faith is the confident assurance of what we hope for is going to happen."  (Hebrews 11:1) I cannot go back to a time to wish something away that already happened.  What I can do is to make new choices based on experiences of the past.  You, too.  It's up to you today to live in the goodness of faith in God who commanded and formed the entire universe.

REALITY 101 #1

 

     Watching and waiting, mesmerized by the mysterious greatness of the ocean, I thought of walking in, much like Edna in the short story by Kate Chopin called "The Awakening."  It was a day, moment which should not have been.  A mistake, a 'what if.'  

     Walking into the ocean isn't something I seriously would do; I only romanticized the idea because of a sudden tragedy which the occurrence of another would change nothing.  The headlines would read like this:  "Local women drowns after her dog is killed by a hit-and-run."  Or:  "Tragedy strikes twice for one distraught local man."  Besides, I was a little afraid of deep water, the way Edna had been before she learned to swim.  

       My reality that day was this:  my little dog was gone forever; there was no way to change or reconcile it; I had to go through it.

     It happened so fast, a moment in time, less than two minutes, resulting from the carelessness of another dog's owner...and our dog's panic; in his panic he slipped out of his collar, ran, and was killed instantly by a car.  

      As I ran to the top of the hill and toward the main road, there he lay, still, on the road's center, his beautiful white fur splayed about him, not a mark on his body.  I thought being chased by the other dog had caused him to faint.  But no, he was gone; as I picked him up, I felt no heartbeat.  Our little miracle gift pup was dead, and I had to walk home, leash in hand, and tell my husband.  

     Whenever I walk by where our dog had his last breath, I am reminded of the kindness of the other dog's owners, how they drove me to the veterinarian, paid the vet to examine my dog, and extended their apologies for what was not their fault.  There was no fault; accidents happen but kindness alone could not make up for the loss of our dog.  It is part of life.  My husband had to be told, I did not walk into the ocean, and eventually we found us another lovely dog.

      Do I believe there is a reason for everything?  No, I don't.  Sometimes things just happen because they happen. What we do with it thereafter is what matters.  Do I believe God is in everything, and doesn't waste a hurt?  Yes, I do.  "He comforts us when we are in trouble, so we can share the same comfort with others in trouble..."  (2 Corinthians 1:4-5)

      I have a friend who believes our animals will be in heaven, and we will see them again.  And why not?  God made animals for us to take care of, to love, for comfort, and it is up to me to share this same comfort with others who have lost a pet.