A MOMENT IN TIME

Everything is a moment in time, then it is gone.  And whether good or bad, the moment is logged away as a memory to be pulled out, talked about, to laugh or cry over, then stored away again.

A friend gave this sweater to me, new with tags, and trying it on, I looked in the mirror, and was taken back to a time years ago, something that made me laugh all over again.

During our first years, my husband, James, found himself looking for work, going to interviews, and learning about himself and others along the way.

One day, he was called for an interview, something very exciting because this was the 80's, a time of recession and job-scarcity.  So we decided he needed a new suit for this special occasion, and off he went to the local Sears store, where he found just the right one, brought it home, and hung it up.

Finally, it was interview day!  On went the new, gray suit and shined up shoes, and out the door to be on time and ready to impress...

After about two hours, James returned, ready to tell me about the interview so I sat down opposite him while he, standing, began telling his story in the usual way, moving around and raising his arms as he talked.  I watched while listening when suddenly I noticed something hanging from the armpit of his suit jacket, much like in the above picture.  Staring, an image came into my mind of him being interviewed, tag waving about as he answered questions, perhaps the interviewer trying not to notice, and I began to laugh, showing him the tag we forgot to snip away from the suit, price still clearly showing, and he started laughing as well.  It was a great and memorable moment in time, one we still laugh about today.

HABITS

Habits.  Something we all have in common; some worth keeping, others not. So what exactly is a habit? Because I have a 1977 edition of the New Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, I thought this would be the perfect starting point: look it up.  There are nine entries for the word "habit" in this edition -  #1 refers to clothing, #2 refers to costume, and #3 has to do with the manner of conducting oneself (closer to what I thought but not quite!) Skipping down to entry #7 finally gave me the definition I had been searching for.

     Habit:  A behavior of pattern acquired by frequent repetition or physiologic exposure that shows itself in regularity or increased facility of performance.  Part b states: a mode of behavior that has  become involuntary (such as addiction).

     It was this morning when I looked the word "habit" up; now it is after 10pm, and I've thought about my own habits.  Today, for example, when I awoke, the first thing I did was walk to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee.  It is my habit to do so, and when I'm not on time (according to my brain), I'm not so happy.  If I'm out of coffee, on go my jeans and off to Safeway for "Peets" or the drive-up (desperate move!), and I don't think of this habit as negative!

     Later on, I sat observing my dog who is pictured above. Even he has habits, each day doing the same thing:  go outside, come in, eat, drink water, then lay by the fire, go on a walk, etc.  He is so predictable!  It is his habit, dependent upon me to make it happen.

     The month of January brings with it a desire for change known as resolutions which correlates with habits. The most common are to eat healthier, get more exercise, and to save more money. I read how after the second week of beginning a change, most people forget what it is they promised to do or not do.  So, why is it so difficult to resolve to do or not do something?  Not an easy-to-answer question.  Volumes have been written on this subject, podcasts are spoken, sermons taught, classes studied, support groups created, counselling, coaches, medications, weekend retreats, etc.  Some of this has value, but... still not simple. Making daily, slow, step by step conscious decisions is hard work; there is no way around it.  Sorry.

        I'd like to believe we don't give up on ourselves, that building new habits is possible, fun, and rewarding.  Find what works for you.  For me, perks work.  I set a reachable goal, then reward myself in some way; a celebration!  I do listen to others' success stories on podcast or YouTube, I am in two support/study groups, I study, write my intentions, and am kind to myself.  When I mess up it's no big deal; I begin again.  Listening to what I tell myself is important; the mind is powerful and easily fooled by what you tell it.  Think!  Pray!  Ask for help!  We all need a little help sometimes.  And, as usual, it's up to you!  

    

     

     

CHANGE. WHAT'S YOURS LIKE?

  December 31st of 2019, and time to make up some resolutions....or not.  I find the word "resolution" itself more than intimidating, and even a bit scary so I want to get something straight here:  to resolve does not mean to change,  and change is the outcome of a resolve.  Resolve is intention, change is to act upon resolve.  

Assuming it is, what makes change so difficult?  Including myself, I notice in people the same patterns year after year, even and especially when they want to change something.  Change is personal; therefore, it is hard to do.

Some changes are obvious, like the picture above.  I have changed over the last few years (lines on face, etc.), and Angus used to be a baby!  Those are naturally occurring changes, visible from the outside; so what about on the inside?  There is plainly no easy way to change, and I think most people want a simple, quick, and done deal, like in maybe a week or two.  Hasn't worked for me yet!

Scientifically speaking, it is a fact that the more you do something, whether positive or negative, the more you will continue to do it because a pattern of thinking develops, and the channels in the brain deepen as the years go by.  (That's the scary part!)  No, don't stop reading!

Of course, there is more than one type of change, brought on by life events such as a sudden disaster or a spiritual force, both of which will cause one to become more motivated during the process of change.  For example, my husband had a spiritual awakening around the age of 27, and he immediately quit using tobacco, a habit of 15 years!  However, the desire to smoke took longer to overcome but the resolve won out.

I have no handy hints or suggestions here.  I have lived long enough to notice that people tend to resolve but fall short of change.  Not to sound negative, but has anyone ever wanted you to change something about yourself or in someone else but they don't seem too interested in what they need to change?  It is simply easier to spot the shortcomings of others but not the ones in ourselves.  

What I do believe in is progress, and progress is a process which is never instant or painless.  It also requires careful planning.  My husband stopped smoking, and avoided even touching tobacco products and used the word "no."  He had a plan.

Ok, a little humor please!  For years, I have tried to be a morning person like some of my friends...you know, cheerful and chatty in the a.m. and sound asleep by 10 p.m.?  I admire them!  But every time I worked on this, it was a fail, at least to a degree.  I did manage to force myself to at least not act as grumpy as I felt, and this was progress.  I  have now decided that I am ok not being 'Miss Happy' in the morning but I also will make you coffee cheerfully.  I plainly don't 'turn on' until after the noon hour!

The point here is to know yourself, to think through what to keep and what to give away (out with the old, in with the new!), and work towards a goal, however slow or frustrating it may be, so that you have accomplished something, whether it is  learning a new skill, stopping a habit, or working on a character trait.  And like you've been hearing for years now, you can do it!

BLACK FRIDAY IS FOR REAL

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Thanksgiving is upon us and Christmas is being celebrated in the airwaves.  I keep hearing the words Black Friday as if some sort of extra holiday is on its way, pushing past Thanksgiving and tumbling into Christmas, and, in a way, there is truth to that. Retailers look forward to this day when millions of people will be out shopping, looking for deals or just enjoying the fun, while businesses make a profit.  Makes sense.  So we get this really long weekend of shopping followed by a Cyber Monday.  Historically, it hasn't always been this way.  

Black Friday has its roots in the 50's of the last century in Philadelphia, having to do with chaos in the city following Thanksgiving and the upcoming Army-Navy football game, crowds, traffic, shoplifters, and overworked police officers who gave Friday its bad name.  The term spread, doing retailers no favors, and finally, in the late 80's, retailers figured out ways to reinvent Black Friday, and turn it into something more positive, which, for the most part has been successful.

Whether you shop Black Friday or not is up to you, and I hope it is the beginning of a wonderful holiday season, not too stressful, not too glitzy, not too crazy.  I hope you can pause occasionally to look around you and really see what is going on, and enjoy.

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LITTLE THINGS

Sometimes it is the little things in life that make us happy.  I have small collections of little things; glass beads, red buttons, pretty shells, unusual stones, sea glass of multi colors, old books, pencils, both leaded and colored, micro-tip pens, tiny mugs, pill boxes, and boxes of friends' letters.  What I enjoy is getting my little things out and looking at them.  Sometimes I draw, use a mug, or re-read a letter.  It just makes me happy, and that is up to me.